On to the next adventure. Or maybe not.

I have such mixed feelings, but I'm trying to stay positive by listening to Taylor Swift's "Shake it off" (weird of me but, hey, if it helps, it helps) so I won't cry in front of all these elder people around me at the airport.

Living here has been a goddamn roller coaster. But the overall feeling is a good one that has me feeling nostalgic already and that in many years will still do the same.
I don't even know where to start. This is probably going to be a goddamn mess because I'm just going to write as it comes to my mind.
There have been moments where I've been desperate to go back home and forget about all of it, especially at the beginning, with all the uni problems I was having. But when things calmed down I just wanted to stay here longer. I still do. Not forever, I haven't found my true home here in Düsseldorf, but I would live here for maybe two or three years.
This city isn't perfect, it isn't. But it has made me feel so welcomed, and I got used to it so fast it surprised me. It took me maybe a couple days. Not like when I went to uni, where it took me maybe two weeks.
Even if I carry baggage from my life, coming here offered me an almost complete fresh start. And I so appreciated it.

Meeting Büke. I feel like that has been the greatest thing that has happened to me here. She's amazing. Honestly, she's such a good person. We have been there for each other at any moment of need. And... I don't know, knowing she's my friend and having shared these four months with her makes me feel so goddamn lucky. I miss her, and I hope that we really get to meet in the future, because I don't want to lose such a positive influence in my life. I feel like she has made me a better person. Oh god, I'm gonna cry.
My roommates were also good. They had some things that at times drove me crazy and made me mad, but they are great people and at the end we have come to really appreciate each other and I'd be lying if I said that I won't miss them. I already do, this week would've been so much better if I had still been living with them.

And I went to Amsterdam. How great is that? I always knew that at some point in my life I was going to visit that beautiful city, but I definitely wasn't expecting to go so soon. Also, sharing that trip with Büke made it more amazing.

*pause to appreciate the cuteness of an elder woman who just sat down and she's so tiny she can't reach the floor with her feet so she's moving them in the air looking happy*

The only "negative" thing about all of this is all the paperwork. I wouldn't repeat an Erasmus just because of the goddamn paperwork problems and the lack of information from my university. I'm gonna have so many problems when I go back. But I don't care about that. One way or another, I will solve it and move on with life, like I always do.

Now, going back to Spain. Ugh.
I've always hated my hometown, it makes me feel like when I was in primary school and everybody hated me and I had no friends and I just hated life so much. Alcoy is a prison to me, like a cage, it makes me feel a little claustrophobic just the thought of going back. I feel like a loser when I'm there, even if I'm not anymore. Or at least not as much as I used to be.
Going back to Valencia... Yeah, that's better, but now I'm gonna be alone in class and I just hate my degree. But living in Valencia it's always better than living in Alcoy. I'm trying to stay as positive as possible.
Also, I have the feeling that this time I'm going back not for long.

I feel I've grown up a lot, and I feel a little different, even if I know I'm still the same.

Now I have to go, my plane leaves in a few minutes and I need to get ready.

See you soon, Germany. Thanks for the experience.

5.02.2015

1. It hasn't snowed. Well done.
2. It feels weird and wrong and not real that I'm going back to Spain.
3. I'm freaking out about the suitcase weigh and if the plane ticket actually includes a big suitcase.
4. I don't want to leave.
5. Next time I wake up it will be to leave. No.
6. I'm gonna miss Düsseldorf so much.

4.02.2015

1. I can't believe tomorrow is my last day here.
2. Passed my exam exactly how I expected to pass it.
3. Alba asked me if there's something wrong. I didn't tell her. But if something like this happens again, I will.
4. I think I did almost everything I had to.
5. I don't want to leave.

03.02.2015

1. Went to the downstairs toilet wearing my Minnie Mouse pyjama pants, a cute roommate came home while I was doing so.
2. It rained and snowed on me today.
3. Had a very nice walk.
4. Should've taken a book from the public bookcase. I might try to go other day and take one. I don't know.
5. I think I've done almost everything I had to do today. Though I didn't tidy up my room.
6. I can't believe another day has gone by.
7. Apparently, it's time to go home. And that just makes me so sad.

02.02.2015

1. Everything was covered in snow when I woke up.
2. Katrin gave me my two credits. Yay!
3. I'm actually kind of excited about going back home. I think I've just assumed it.
4. I have to send a few emails but I just keep postponing it.
5. This day has gone by so fast.

1.02.2015

1. What a sad, grey day.
2. I miss Büke. I think I haven't really accepted she has left.
3. I'm so done with Alba. I can't even.
4. I don't want to do anything except going back to Spain.
5. I feel like Maria doesn't really want me back.
6. It gives me so much anxiety having to go to the kitchen or the bathroom in case I come across someone.

31.01.2015

1. Barely slept, woke up crying.
2. Fucking Düsseldorf trams.
3. Had to take a fucking sky train to go to the fucking terminal C of the airport.
3. I miss Büke.
4. Nico and Louis helped me take my stuff downstairs and waited with me a little while wearing almost any clothes. I'm gonna miss them.
5. Had to carry all my shit to another taxi because the one Koko ordered didn't come. Lost my Nesquick in the meantime.
6. I suddenly got excited about going back to Spain. I will get a massage, dye my hair, take a long bath, put on my onesie and eat one of my favourite lunches on Saturday.
7. What a fucking crap day.

30.01.2015

1. I don't want to pack.
2. KFC is too good. I can't go back ever again.
3. Poor Büke had such a bad day. I don't want her to ever leave my side.
4. Koko actually made a cake for me (it was so delicious) and gave me a little present.
5. Tomorrow I'm gonna hate my life because I have to carry too many things.
6. I opened a reinforced door with a fucking card and pushing a little. Büke called me her "angel" again, so cute.
7. I am so done with Alba.

29.01.2015

1. So I did one exercise of the exam perfect and I thought I had it all wrong.
2. So the exam I thought I had today wasn't today and I don't know when is it nor do I care.
3. One of the books I ordered has already been dispatched. Hell yeah.
4. Amparo Baró just died. Such sad news.
5. Büke's cousin is so fucking great.
6. We had kind of a party night. Loved it.
7. My umbrella broke all of a sudden. I'm not gonna buy a new one.

28.01.2015

1. I'm a piece of shit.
2. The fucking tram made me arrive late to my exam.
3. Got my eyebrows right.
4. Somehow I ended up having dinner with my Hungarian roommate and drank a bottle of wine between the both of us.
5. Discovered a new wisdom tooth has come out like 25/30%. It's growing sideways.
6. Never comment nor read comments on YouTube.
7. Placed my order in Book Depository. I'm so nervous.
8. I hate that Alba is staying here just for her girlfriend. It's stupid and she's gonna regret it.
9. Let's not talk about my exam because I don't know.
10. I have an exam here when I will be in Spain. Don't know how that's gonna work out.