Thoughts

22.12.2017 0:22
I went outside to smoke and just as I was walking into our "backyard", I felt amazed, stunned at how beautiful the sky looked. I love the sky, but today I've been staring at it more than usual.
As I stared at it, I thought I saw a shooting star, but it was very faint and fast that I wasn't sure if I had actually seen it.
I thought of Jonghyun, about how people have been saying that he's up there, that somehow last night's (or today's, I'm not sure) blue moon was because of him, to let us know that he's at peace, that his pain is gone.
So I thought "Jonghyun, are you okay? Are you really there? Are you watching? Are you okay now?" And for some reason I thought "Would you give me a sign if you're there and okay?" I didn't expect anything to happen, since I don't really follow any religions and I'm not sure what I believe in.
But just as I had asked for a sign, a very bright and strong shooting star flew across the sky. I almost dropped my cigarette, had that actually happened?
I know, logically, that that star has been dead for years and that there's a big chance that it was just a beautiful coincidence within the universe and me.
Still... Still... I want to believe it was actually him.
That within all the people who are mourning him right this moment, he found me and decided to show me that star.
I didn't really know much about him, I wasn't his biggest fan, but I cared about him, and every time someone commits suicide it touches a part of me that hurts more than when someone dies of natural (or disease) cause.
Jonghyun, thank you for that sign and for offering me a wish. You worked hard, you did well, but the world didn't deserve you and I'm so deeply sorry that you had to endure so much pain. Rest now, you deserve it.
And to the sky and the universe, thank you for your overwhelming beauty.