Still Alice

"A linguistics professor and her family find their bonds tested when she is diagnosed with Early-onset Alzheimer's Disease." - IMDb

Oh, this movie. My mum wouldn't stop talking about it since she watched it and she was totally right to do so. It was amazing.

I love dramas in general, and the fact that this wasn't a romantic drama made it so much better. Not because I think romantic dramas are bad, I'm usually into romantic dramas, but I'm really picky with them. There are also plenty of family dramas, but this wasn't a typical one.

This movie explores Alzheimer, it shows you how it affects a person, and not in a "this old person at 80 has started showing signs/has just been diagnosed/etc" way, but from the perspective of an adult that still has so many years left to live and that her life depends on her brain capacity (to explain it in some way) and how she tries to prepare herself for when she starts losing herself and becoming just a body (that's the way I see it in my grandmother and other relatives, it leaves you as an empty shell).

It also shows the reactions of the people around that one person with Alzheimer: some blame her because it's an hereditary disease (like you can choose what you get), so there's a chance you can develop it; some decide to step out and kinda ignore the "problem"; and other sacrifice their lives to take care of that person, even if always, at some point, it's best if that person is taken care by nurses/professionals.

I just thought it was very interesting and beautiful though heartbreaking.

Also Julianne Moore is awesome and Hunter Parrish is on it too *wiggles eyebrows*

So if you're ready to shed a tear or two, or just feel interested about the movie I totally recommend you watch it, it's worth it.

As always, here I leave you the trailer in case you're interested. Enjoy!

Love, Rosie

"Rosie and Alex have been best friends since they were 5, so they couldn't possibly be right for one another... or could they? When it comes to love, life and making the right choices, these two are their own worst enemies." -IMDb

So between the latter half of February and the first half of March that I've been kinda "out" (of myself, not out on the street), I started watching some movies that I had on my "to watch" list and that I hadn't come around to do it because I always end up watching tv shows for some reason.

So, in order to compensate the lack of entries here and writing in my life in general, I decided to talk to you a little about them and then you decide if you want to watch them or not.

The movie that I'm going to talk about in this entry is "Love, Rosie", as you may have guessed by the title.

First of all, I'm not much of a romantic movies watcher - though I might end up doing it quite a lot because they're usually easy. You can watch one and not have to think about it or anything else, you're just there, watching it.
But when I saw the trailer of this movie, I knew I was going to love it - and I was so right.

Yes, it is a love story and has some things that happen in every goddamn romantic movie, but this one was actually different. It had details and topics and just basically things (I don't want to spoil if for you if you haven't watched and might be interested in doing so) that if I have seen in other movies, it has probably been in one or two maximum.

In total seriousness and honesty now, the feeling at the end of it, was the one of a different type or romantic love story.
Also Sam Claflin (and Lily Collins if I'm honest), am I right?

I leave you here the trailer of "Love, Rosie", so you don't have to google it yourself and lose interest on it. Hope you enjoy it!

Goodbye, Glee.

It's been a few hours since I watched the series finale, so now that I feel more calmed down, I decided it was time to write this entry.

I don't know where to start. This tv show, oh man, it had a couple of seasons in which I thought I was going to stop watching it, or at least take it easy and watch it whenever I had time. But I couldn't, there was something that made me keep watching if not live (because it was at 3 am here) then the next morning as soon as I woke up. And I'm glad I kept watching until the very end.

Six years have passed now since a friend told me about this new show that had just started and I was most likely going to love because it was a musical. I was a teenager when it all started, now I'm an adult (not really, but kinda) and it feels so... weird to know that that was it, that Glee ended. I'm so glad I got to live it and "meet" so many wonderful actors, some of which form part of my favorite authors and musicians now, and who I'll never, ever forget.

I know that when I'm old, I'll still remember this show, I'll still be a fan of it. I'll listen to the songs they've sung and I'll still watch episodes every now and then. It's become a part of my life, a part of who I am.

This show, even when it had things that just made you want to quit it, has changed the world in some small way. It has made people more accepting, it has given courage to others, it has created very strong friendships all around the world. It made us, the underdogs, feel better about ourselves. It covered topics that not any other show has covered. It has given hope, strength, happiness, love. It showed us that dreams can come true, that it gets better, if you just keep holding on and trying.

I'll try my best not to burst into tears whenever "Dont' stop believing" comes on the radio, and when I'm somewhere where there's music playing and I hear a song that Glee covered I'll inform about it whoever I'm with at that moment with intensity. And probably my heart going crazy.

All I have left to say (because I'm trying not to cry again and that's making me take too much time writing this) is a massive thank you to Glee. It was a pleasure, and I promise I'll never forget you, your songs and your gleefulness.

"The show must go... all over the place... or something."

Stuck.

I've been putting off writing this entry for a week now, because I don't want to face reality.
Last week, the last time I opened a document to start writing it, this was going to be kind of positive, I was going to try to cheer myself up with this. But then I put it off until later.
And now I can't.
I can't write a positive entry.
I want to. But I can't.

I thought that as the days would go by, being back here (even if it isn't the same as before) would get easier until it would feel natural as it did before. That's what I thought last week.
This week I realized it hasn't gotten any easier. Being here just keeps getting harder and harder and it doesn't seem to stop.

I haven't been to a single class this week. Not one. And the fact that there was a strike hasn't helped for the rest of the days.
I've barely left the house. I get all panicky even if I'm just going to the supermarket. It feels like a mountain just going there, I come back exhausted - even if I'm out for less than twenty minutes.
My sleep schedule has gone crazy again. Either I don't get any sleep, or I sleep day and night with no stop. But it's a restless sleep.
I'm jumpy. Every noise makes me jump or make my hands/arms/legs spasm.
The only thing that comforts me is eating soup, and I've been having food cravings that I try not to fall in because I want to keep my "diet" (I'm not on one, I just think that's the right word) as similar as it was in Germany.
I've felt the push towards smoking again, and I have caved in, even if I smoke just one cigarette a day. I've fallen.
I don't feel safe. I'm shaking most of the time. Sometimes I'm calm here, in my apartment, but then I start feeling... yeah, unsafe. Uncomfortable. And it's not because of my roommates, I really like them and I've been spending a lot of time with one of them.
I don't talk to anyone. No one knows if there's something going on with me - which is completely different from years ago. I used to just share my feelings so openly. Now no one can rip them off of me. And I want to share them with someone (though at the same time I don't want to have to talk so much), because it's come to a point that I think I might need help, but no one takes me seriously because 1) I have been in this state (though never this low) for years now and they just know me this way and 2) I'm not saying "oh, I have horrible anxiety" all the fucking time like some people do, and though it might actually help and get someone's attention, I don't want to do it.
My mom doesn't take me seriously, it's like she doesn't care or she doesn't want to see it, even if I talked to her on Skype the other night and she saw how big/deep/dark the circles under my eyes have gotten and how tired I looked, she just brushed it off. I don't feel comfortable anymore talking to her about things like this, because years ago she basically told me that I was being stupid.
The good thing is that I don't cry, at least not for me. Of course, I still cry with books and movies, but never because I hurt so much.

But I feel like I need help now. I need either someone or something to get me out of bed every morning and just motivate (?) me to go to uni and, not even that, just live.

Everything feels like such a big effort for which I don't have enough strength. And then because I don't do it, my conscience punishes me 24/7 and I'm shaking and my heartbeat goes crazy.

I'm keeping myself from crawling to the end of my bed and hide in the little space there. I feel like if I go there, I won't be getting out any time soon.

I've had lows, really, really deep lows, but right now I feel at my lowest.

I have to do something this time, I can't be like this forever. Because that forever feels terribly short this way.